she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
