We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
