I want to have your abortion
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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