this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
