it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
