I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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