the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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