I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
