you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize