I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
