At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
