I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
birth control should be required to get into college
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
