I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
