Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
