i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
