so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
