She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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