You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize