i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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