this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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