i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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