Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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