she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
