Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
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I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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