He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
whose parrot is this?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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