I wanna bring you to show and tell
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
