Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
