ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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