My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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