someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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