Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i think im in europe. pls send help
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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