whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
