wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
