I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize