I want to stick my p in your. b.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
grandma shit on top of the toilet
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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