I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
