That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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