i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
