My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
