As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
