Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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