I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
