Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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