i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
