I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
