You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
