his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
