mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
