so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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