Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
