You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
