I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
