Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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