why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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