she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
