I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
