I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
