I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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