He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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