So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
