Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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