I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
