Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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