Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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