I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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