next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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