He kissed a someone with a penis
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
