Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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