Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
