My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
