i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
