I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
