got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
